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|} |}
 +
 +{| class="quote"
 +|Sunday genius
 +
 +To: The Slatt Man
 +
 +July 6th
 +
 +Just had the greatest stroke of genius ever. Me and Atoz had some work to do around the office today. So I'm leafing through these old case files and I'm looking at this snapshot of a baby's room (let's not dwell on the fact that it was a baby's room in a crack den) and it totally dawned on me that I could do way better.
 +
 +I've always been pretty handy and I have all these ideas. I'm totally going to surprise Cecilia with this. I'm thinking about a total baby paradise here. Stars on the ceiling. Toys everywhere. Mobiles. Cartoon characters on the walls. The works. You know how much of a worrier Cecilia is so I'm even going to put in a little camera and microphone so she can monitor the kid 24/7... even from her cell phone!
 +
 +I'm looking online now for someone who can help put all this together. It's first-class all the way.
 +|}
 +{| class="quote"
 +|Wow, you went from zero to geeked-out dad in 2.4 seconds. Slow down – before long, you'll be wearing socks and sandals, driving your minivan to soccer tryouts and yelling at the TV for playing those loud rock videos.
 +
 +At least I can always say, "I knew him back when he was cool..."
 +
 +Just busting your chops, pops – of course I'll help with the little rugrat's romper room.
 +
 +-Slatt's That (sweet new nickname, huh?)
 +|}
===Formalities=== ===Formalities===

Revision as of 16:48, 7 July 2008

The following is email correspondence between Glenn Barhyte and fellow officers in the Internal Affairs Department.

Contents

The Slatt Man

Meeting postponed

From: The Slatt Man
April 10th, 2008

This afternoon's meeting has been moved to tomorrow morning, 8am. Make sure you know your trial schedule for the upcoming month so that we can coordinate ourselves and update the calendar (Cindy told me to tell you all that).
See you then,
--Kevin Slatteronsky

Re: Meeting postponed

Guess we know who wears the pants in THAT office. Tell Cindy to stop whipping you so hard.
--Barhyte


Goin' Crazy - Want To Come?

To: The Slatt Man

May 7th, 2008

Hey, Kev. I started seeing that headshrinker after all. Thanks for the recommendation. I don't know if it's doing any good (I'm not really the self-analyzing type), but it can't hurt to try a few more sessions, right? BTW, you want to get some drinks tomorrow night? I have something I want to run by you. Thanks.

--Barhyte

From: The Slatt Man

Yeah, drinks would be cool. Everything OK?

--Slatteronsky


Goodbye, cruel world

To: The Slatt Man

June 6th

It's over. I can't take it anymore. Now that I'm leaving, I can be honest. I've never liked you Slatts. Never. I just used you. I'm sorry I had to end it this way, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. Don't call me.

Glenn

From: The Slatt Man

You can't get rid of me that easy, buddy. Who else is going to lose all that money to me every week? You paid for my kid's braces! And then there's his college tuition. Nope, we'll be seeing a lot more of each other. Remember, Internal Affairs sees all! Good luck, buddy. Don't forget about the little people.

-- Slatteronsky


Come one, come all!

From: Mel Finn

June 9th, 2008

Hereye, hereye. Save yer Friday night! One night, and one night only, the Finnigity residence plays host for a rousing evening of Conquest: The Medieval Edition.

Notice to Glenn Barhyte… no excuses this time!!!

Alright. No excuses.
To: Mel Finn

June 16th, 2008

I think Cecilia is going to divorce me unless I give her a little old Barhyte-style date night, if you know what I mean. If. You. Know. What. I. Mean. We'll catch up to you in the 20th century, okay? Thanks for a great night, too. Was that super-thick ale or barley soup?

Glenn


Just wondering

From: Slatt Man

June 16th, 2008

What are you wearing right now?

Pink bloomers and a suede tophat.
Hot..


told you

To: The Slatt Man

June 18th, 2008

see the game last night? Is that why you've been avoiding me? I won't be ignored, Slatts. PAY UP!!!

by the way... it looked GREAT on the LCD Cecelia gave me Sunday.

PS: PAY UP!!!!!


Got the files

From: The Slatt Man

June 26th

Pulled everything I got on The Chechen like you asked for. Maybe you can send your new bff to come get them.

Thanks for the files. I'm pretty sure they're the ringleaders on this thing Gordon has me on.

I want to talk to you about it offline. This thing is getting big. I gotta tell you, this is why I came to MCU. Gordon's getting the job done here.


revenge will be sweet

To: The Slatt Man

June 26th

It's your friendly reminder: get to the ATM machine now and press the "all of it" button. When you only get one night out, you gotta make it count and you're going down like the Hindenburg. You’re going down like the stockmarket in 1929. You get the idea.

Really need this... I love Cecilia's mom, but I love a lot of things that are bad for me.

Nix on poker, dude. Parent/teacher night at the kids schools. No one's around.

Hoist some cold ones for me… and I ain't talking about your mother in law, either – ZING!

Still got it,
--The Slattster


Not funny

To: The Slatt Man

July 2nd

I didn't know that accepting a free lunch from you meant I had to serve as your personal comedian. Nothing I told you about my living nightmare at home this week was funny.

And next time you offer to buy lunch, maybe something a little better then a bag of peanuts and water from the fountaina visit to "Pedro's Dirty Taco Stand," you cheapo.

How could you dis Pedro's? Their burritos weigh 2 pounds!

You've got less taste than used bubble gum, GB.

-KS (I'm trying out the whole initials thing – pretty "fresh" eh?)


Sunday genius

To: The Slatt Man

July 6th

Just had the greatest stroke of genius ever. Me and Atoz had some work to do around the office today. So I'm leafing through these old case files and I'm looking at this snapshot of a baby's room (let's not dwell on the fact that it was a baby's room in a crack den) and it totally dawned on me that I could do way better.

I've always been pretty handy and I have all these ideas. I'm totally going to surprise Cecilia with this. I'm thinking about a total baby paradise here. Stars on the ceiling. Toys everywhere. Mobiles. Cartoon characters on the walls. The works. You know how much of a worrier Cecilia is so I'm even going to put in a little camera and microphone so she can monitor the kid 24/7... even from her cell phone!

I'm looking online now for someone who can help put all this together. It's first-class all the way.

Wow, you went from zero to geeked-out dad in 2.4 seconds. Slow down – before long, you'll be wearing socks and sandals, driving your minivan to soccer tryouts and yelling at the TV for playing those loud rock videos.

At least I can always say, "I knew him back when he was cool..."

Just busting your chops, pops – of course I'll help with the little rugrat's romper room.

-Slatt's That (sweet new nickname, huh?)

Formalities

From: Department of Records

March 31, 2008

Just a friendly reminder: make sure to use our new plastic-coated paperclips when fastening your weekly reports. They’re easier on the hands and they brighten up the office, too!

Thanks,

Eugene Randall


April 7, 2008

Softball game

This Saturday is our annual softball game between internal affairs and the homicide division - IT'S GONNA BE MURDER! Where: Gotham Park, When: 3pm, Why: To teach those mugs who's boss.
B.Y.O.B.
Jason Arguellino-Diaz

April 7, 2008

RE: Softball game

Hey, Diaz - you gonna catch those easy pop flies this time? Otherwise, what's the point of showing up? Oh, right, the beer - I forgot.

Just bustin' your chops
--Barhyte


April 8th, 2008

New Webmail security measures

I know that we've been having some problems with hackers on this e-mail system, but I've worked out the bugs and everything should be running smoothly now. Remember: don't give your password to anybody - not even family members.
Sorry for any past inconveniences,
--Graham Jallardo, GPD technical support


From: Mel Finn

April 14th, 2008


Hey, gang (oops – I probably shouldn't use that term loosely, what with our line of work – JK!)
It's time for another game night at my place. You bring the wine, I'll bring the fun. Get ready for some killer backgammon (there I go with the poor choice of words again!)
How does next week look for everyone? Hit me back with your time constraints.
--Melvin Finnigity

RE: Game Night

Hey, Finn - sorry, but we won't be able to make it to game night because Cecilia's mom is really sick. We're probably going to visit her next week.
Have fun, though.
--Barhyte


SPAM Filters

From: Administrator

April 15th, 2008

Several webmail users have been complaining about the SPAM in their account, but that shouldn't be happening. Make sure you have your filter on and let me repeat: DON'T GIVE OUT YOUR PASSWORD!
Thanks,
--Graham Jallardo, GPD technical support


Paperwork

To: department of records

April 16th, 2008

As per our meeting this afternoon, I am revising last month's interrogation log according to the new filing system.

Sorry, won't happen again.

--Glenn Barhyte

RE: Paperwork

Thanks, Glenn. Your cooperation is always appreciated.
Eugene Randall


To: Mel Finn

April 22nd, 2008

Hey, Melvin - how was game night? Sorry we couldn't make it, but we'll be there next time, for sure. WARNING: I am one vicious Pai Gow fiend.

--Barhyte


Time to cough up, boys

From: Sylvio Annavariano

April 22, 2008

Hey boys. This is Sylvio, head of the Gotham Police Union. Your loyal servant. We're all fighting right now for the Gotham Police salary raise proposition on the June ballot. But we also got to help out a friend. Roger Garcetti, the esteemed District Attorney, needs money. I KNOW that you guys will help out his campaign with, say, 1% of your salary. That's $300 if you're makin 30 thou guys, and so on. We will be checking with the campaign to make sure it all works out. Thanks guys.

Sylvio President, Gotham Police Union


Email Problems?

To: Administrator

April 28th, 2008

Hey Graham, I've been experiencing some weird email problems. Sometimes I can't access my email, or it takes a long time to send stuff. Could anything be wrong? Security problems, remote access, whatever? I dunno the lingo but I was worried a little. Thanks.

Glenn.

Your Email Account

From: Administrator

Hey Glenn. I checked out your email account after you expressed some of your concerns about access. There's been absolutely no odd or unusual activity on your account, you can bet on it. If you have any other questions, please don't hesitate to hit me up. Thanks,

--Graham Jallardo, GPD technical support



Rossi's Deli

Thought you might like to hear this

From: Mel Finn

April 14th, 2008

Seems MCU had your boy's diner under light surveillance. Wiretap showed nothing unusual, just phone orders for various menu items. That is, until just before the incident. Check out MCU3932571. It's odd, one caller seemed to know something was ready to go down, but didn't feel like warning anyone...


Checking In

From: The Slatt Man

April 17th, 2008

Just wanted to check in with you after all the craziness that went down at the Deli. You were in Notaro's head more than anyone - did you have any clue that he was gonna snap like that?

--Slatteronsky

Funny you should mention it, Slatt. I'm feeling mighty guilty about the whole deal. I missed a couple of e-mails from Notaro on the morning of the hostage situation because I went to the doctor's (no cause for alarm - just new prescription, is all). But, what if I'd gotten his messages? I might have been able to talk him down before he freaked out. Maybe Mary Breitup would still be alive if I hadn't screwed up... not to mention her husband. I just don't know anymore.

--Barhyte

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT blame yourself for what that nutcase did. You've been trying to get Notaro to come clean for months. It's not your fault that you missed an e-mail or that the Ferry was out of order the week before - these things happen. That's life, man.

We're the good guys, remember? Because of your work, you've prevented a lot more innocent victims from getting killed.

If you need to talk to someone, CALL ME. And, if I'm not your cup of tea, you might want to talk to the GPD psychologist, Zelda Shoenburgh (no, you're not crazy, but she's great at listening to these cases). Do you need her contact info?

--Slatteronsky


My hero...

From: Jason A.D.

April 19th, 2008

Looks like someone's bucking for a promotion. Notaro's been singing quite a beautiful song - who knew he had been such a fibber on those DA campaign ads? At least he's owning up to it now.

Way to crack him, pal
--Jason

RE: My hero...

From: Jason A.D.

Saturday, April 19th, 2008

Aw, shucks, Diaz - you're making me blush. I can't take all the credit. Notaro's been trying to go legit for a while. Guess he finally got scared enough to actually do it.

--Barhyte

Psychologist consultation

Possible Consultation

To: Zelda Shoenburgh

April 17th, 2008

Hello - I'm not sure why I'm emailing you, except that I've been obsessing over a recent case of mine and I might need to talk it out with you (is "obsessing" the clinical term?) - I’m not a head case (or I never have been, at least), so this is definitely not a high-priority thing. Just let me know what your schedule is like in the next few days and maybe we can talk.

--Glenn Barhyte, IA

RE: Possible Consultation

From: Zelda Shoenburgh

April 21st, 2008

I'm so glad you contacted me. There's nothing to be ashamed of - everyone needs to talk things out every now and again, especially hard-working law enforcement officials like yourself. What time is good for you?

Dr. Zelda Shoenburgh, M.D.

RE: Possible Consultation

From: Zelda Shoenburgh

April 21st, 2008

Thanks, doc, but it was a false alarm. I've worked through it on my own (you probably don't believe me, but it's true). Besides, I'm sure there are a lot of other patients who need your services more than I do.

--Glenn Barhyte

RE: Possible Consultation

To: Zelda Shoenburgh

April 30st, 2008

Dr, I was thinking of taking you up on that consultation. A lot of stuff is going on and maybe I should get some of it off my chest. Can we do Friday 1pm? That way I can just use my lunch hour on it.

Thanks,
Glenn

RE: Possible Consultation

From: Zelda Shoenburgh

April 30th, 2008

Glenn, I'm so happy you changed your mind about using my services. I'm looking forward to meeting with you tomorrow so that you can clear your mind, search your soul and discuss whatever's bothering you. Remember: everything you share with me is strictly confidential.

All the best,
Dr. Zelda

Your Missed Appointment

From: Zelda Shoenburgh

May 12th, 2008

I am very dismayed that you skipped our session last week. Were you sick? I hope this has nothing to do with the fact that you teared up as you were recounting the Red Sox loss in game 6 of the 1986 World Series. Crying is healthy and sports are a fabulous outlet for your emotions. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Plus, I think we made real progress when you discussed your frustrations with Internal Affairs. When are you planning to transfer to MCU? Have you mentioned your decision to any co-workers? Your wife? Talking helps, Glenn. It helps your heart.

See you on Thursday (don't stand me up again, Mr. Man!) - just kidding, I'm not mad.

Dr. Zelda

RE: Your Missed Appointment

To: Zelda Shoenburgh

May 12th, 2008

Hey, doc Z - sorry I flaked on the shrink session, but I was tied up with work. It's crazy over here. I promise, I won't miss this Thursday's appointment.

BTW, I wasn't crying about the Sox - my allergies were acting up. See, I'm allergic to Bill Buckner and all that talk just agitated me.

See ya,
--Barhyte

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