MCU emails
The following is email correspondence related to GPDIAD officer Glenn Barhyte being moved to the MCU.
RE: Departmental Reassignment
From: Jarret Highview May 15th, 2008 Yes, I did receive your request to leave IA and join Gordon over at MCU. I assure you, your credentials are good enough to pave the way for any transition you want to make in the field of law enforcement and I'll support whatever decision you make, but I must ask why. You're one of the best guys we've got (off the record, of course - I can't show favoritism, y'know?) Just think about it before you interview with Jim. Once he sees your resume, he'll snatch you up in a heartbeat and I hate the idea of losing yet another honest IA detective. --Chief Highview |
RE: Honey?
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte May 21st, 2008 Hey, Cel, baby - still not talking to me? |
From: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte
No. |
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte
Look, I'm sorry I dumped this news on you last night, but I haven't been happy as a pencil-pusher for years - you know that. Major Crimes is exactly where I need to be to do the most good for this city. I'll be fine. Haven't I always taken care of you and Burt? I'd never do anything to jeopardize my life or my family. Call me? --Your favorite husband |
From: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte
Just for the record, Burt's not talking to you either, and it's not just because he's a dog. --Your angry wife |
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte
I knew you couldn't stay mad at me. Rub Burt's belly for me. Love ya, |
Par-TAY!
From: The Slatt Man May 26th, 2008 Good to hear that Cecilia's finally forgiven you for the fact that you confided in me about your career plans before her. Now, has she forgiven me? Well, I hope so, because I'm throwing you a rager of a going away party this Saturday. You'll be so hungover that you'll still be hurting on your first day of work at MCU next week. Then, they'll fire you and you'll have to tuck your tail between your legs and come back and work with us grunts in IA. That is my plan (evil laugh). Get your liver ready for some major drinking, you major crimebuster you. --Slatteronsky |
To: The Slatt Man
Oh, great - just when Cecilia forgives me for upending our life, now you're throwing me a drink-fest to give her more ammo. What a guy! |
To: The Slatt Man
June 1st, 2008 What did you put in those drinks last night? Oh, yeah - alcohol. How am I gonna start my new gig tomorrow? I hate you. |
Welcome
From: Jim Gordon June 3rd, 2008 Detective Barhyte, I've been hearing great things about our newest crackerjack in MCU and I wanted to extend my warmest greetings. It's going to be an uphill battle, but we're finally assembling the right team to investigate this money laundering plague, bust it up and make Gotham that much safer. Looking forward to working with you, --Lt. Gordon |
To: Jim Gordon
Thank you so much, sir. You don't know what an honor it is to be part of the MCU. I just wish I'd been here earlier so that I could play a bigger part in your upcoming sting operation. But, don't worry - I'm getting up to speed as fast as I can. Great to be here, Lieutenant. |
FWD: Welcome
To: The Slatt Man I just got this e-mail from the big cheese. Jealous? < |
From: The Slatt Man
Me, jealous? Ha. Major Crimes is where dogs go to die, Glenn. You'll never leave there alive - Gordon holds onto the good ones. Anyway, why would I want to work in MCU. Maybe in an undercover op. Watch your back. And get that scum-sucking smile off your face! -- Slatteronsky |
Can't wait to start
To: Jim Gordon June 4th, 2008 Lt. Gordon, I cannot wait to start work over at MCU. I'll be there first thing Monday morning. I know there'll be a pile of paperwork to get thru. Here's to doing real police work, |
From: Jim Gordon
Great. Look for a guy named Atoz when you come in. He'll help you with all the bureaucratic crap we have to get through. |
Payment Delay
From: Human Resources June 12th, 2008 Dear Officer Barhyte, Due to missing transfer of payment information, we will not be able to issue payment drawn from the Major Crimes Unit account. The administrative clerk for your office should have filed it with Human Resources within one week of your transfer announcement. The earliest you will begin receiving paychecks under your new job category will be Friday, June 27. If you have any questions, please contact your human resources coordinator. |
Who is my human resources coordinator? |
Sorry, but we do not have that information on file.
< Who is my human resources coordinator? |
From: Atoz
June 12th, 2008 Oh, sheesh, I feel really bad! I don't know what could have happened. I have a distinct memory I filed that paperwork as soon as your transfer order hit my desk. I remember because your social security number was unique in its numerological repetitions. I'm going down to HR first thing in the morning to sort this out. I'd go now, but it's after 4 and they're already gone. Don't worry, Glenn. I'm on the case. Atoz |
RE: Poker still on?
To: The Slatt Man June 13h, 2008 Still no word on the missing paperwork. Remember that year they were going to "professionalize the bureaucracy"? This really ticks me off. And this guy that screwed up everything - "Atoz" (what kind of name is Atoz??) - keeps on coming by my desk and asking me if anything's changed. It's been three minutes bro! Did we add another section to our non-discrimination policy covering morons? |
HR Update
From: Atoz June 13h, 2008 Just got back from HR. They said they never got the form. I asked to go through their records and they said it's against protocol. A friend of mine gets on shift up there this afternoon. I'm going to head back up there then. In the meantime, I've already completed a new payment form and will personally walk it over to everyone who needs to sign it before lunch. Push comes to shove, I'll call in a favor and get my friend to pull some strings. |
FW: HR Update
To: The Slatt Man Well I take it all back. Atoz may be a little weird but I think this goofball might be the most professional guy in the whole GPD. |
From: The Slatt Man
June 13h, 2008 What did I tell you? PS: You really sucked last night. Thanks for the fifty bucks, bud. Been eyeing that Dirty Harry boxed set since Christmas. |
HR Update Two
From: Atoz June 13h, 2008 Guess what? They filed it under Burhype. I found it in 20 seconds. You're all set. Oh, and about that other thing boss - yeah, the arrest report filenames should just be the booking number with the GP prefix (not MCU). A few years back we were considering going with another system, but that was nixed and we're still doing it the old fashioned way. |
Thanks! I owe you one. Sorry for the heated words - you know how it goes. I appreciate you doin all that stuff for me.
Glenn. |
Wow thanks a lot, man. That really means something to me. Whoa. Don't worry - you won't have to get a restraining order against me, or anything (although, if you did, I'd make sure to file it in a professional, efficient manner). :D But I just wanted to say thanks a lot for saying thanks. Does that seem weird? Not to me. I do so much work around here - little things. You won't be interested in them so I won't mention 'em. The really important thing is. Well, maybe I will mention them, because nobody really knows what I do all day. People think I just push paper. And it's all good, you know, I kid around. Guys say I should start the File Olympics. We created lots of funny categories. The Manila Folding Speed Round. The Great Eraser Hunt. The Alphabet Unjumble. International Paper Cut Challenge. Stuff like that. It was a riot. Guys were on the floor. Even Gordon got into it. But nobody really knows what I do. Everything got so easy so quick. I focus like a camcorder. Incredible focus. I'm a detail kind of guy. So I do lots of stuff to make it interesting. Reverse alphabetization, record duplication (or triplication!), mail organization, re-engineering the entire file flow to reduce paper costs, setting up a file system in new offices, and helping you guys out whenever I can. But nobody really says thank you. Not that it really matters. Hell, I get bored being myself. What you guys do is so much more important than what I do. But it just really makes it all worthwhile when I can help you guys out and someone, anyone, notices. Not that I'd notice someone like me if I was real police, but maybe I would, and I'd say something like, hey, Atoz, thanks a lot, what are you doing for lunch. You know? Anyway, I'm always here for you guys. Whatever you need, wherever in the alphabet it is, how many numbers or letters or slashes, I can find it for you. I can find warts on a supermodel! Candy in the diabetes wing! Meaning in a Danielle Steel novel! Anything you need, no matter how crazy, I can find. That's just how I am. Ask anybody at MCU about me. I'm their secret weapon around here. Anyways, I'll talk to you later. I like to get coffee around 11AM at the side break room.
Atoz |
I have a new friend!
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte, Slatt Man June 16th, 2008 Both of you need not worry about my being alone in this new job of mine. I have a great new friend. He is truly remarkable. I am the luckiest man in the world. I am now going to lock myself in the supply closet.
<Atoz |
From: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte
Ballad of a Lonely File Clerk - is that a lost John Lennon tune? Congratulations, tiger, you've got yourself a fan. I'm sure he's just your type too! Sorry about Breakfast. I guess that Shrimp cocktail at Joe's didn't really do me right. Still, it was worth it for those private booths where nobody could see what we were doing.... Hehe... You'll forgive me for breakfast, won't you? You better...or ELSE! Your lovely and long-suffering wife, Sugarpants PS. If "Mel of Aqueduct" or whatever invites us to another idiot medieval nite, your orders are to fabricate any excuse to avoid it. Any other choice spells d-i-v-o-r-c-e. |
Forgiven
To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte Of course I forgive you. I'd forgive you ripping out one of my limbs after last night in the booth! Wow. How'd I get so lucky? Gotcha on the Mel medieval thing. No problem. I don't like maces and gladiators anyway. Not that much. Maybe the gladiators. Just kidding sugarpants - you're the one for me! Your faithful servant G |
From: Slatt Man
Coffee at 11am at the side break room huh? I don't know whether to alert internal affairs or join you myself. It does get a little lonely that time of day, no? Watch out Barhyte. MCU is full of crazies. You never should have left IA. Now you're paying for your rash decision. Loser. PS Invite him to poker night. He seems like JUST the right guy. With that mysterious combination of idiocy and eagerness. We could always use another fish. |
Another fish?
To: Slatt Man That's what I like about you. You're always scheming to rip someone off, get a cheaper beer, or hit on a skankier girl. You really are a class act, Slatts.
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