MCU emails

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The following is email correspondence related to GPDIAD officer Glenn Barhyte being moved to the MCU.

Contents

[edit] Reassignment

RE: Departmental Reassignment

From: Jarret Highview

May 15th, 2008

Yes, I did receive your request to leave IA and join Gordon over at MCU. I assure you, your credentials are good enough to pave the way for any transition you want to make in the field of law enforcement and I'll support whatever decision you make, but I must ask why. You're one of the best guys we've got (off the record, of course - I can't show favoritism, y'know?)

Just think about it before you interview with Jim. Once he sees your resume, he'll snatch you up in a heartbeat and I hate the idea of losing yet another honest IA detective.

--Chief Highview


RE: Honey?

To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

May 21st, 2008

Hey, Cel, baby - still not talking to me?

From: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

No.

To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Look, I'm sorry I dumped this news on you last night, but I haven't been happy as a pencil-pusher for years - you know that. Major Crimes is exactly where I need to be to do the most good for this city. I'll be fine. Haven't I always taken care of you and Burt? I'd never do anything to jeopardize my life or my family. Call me?

--Your favorite husband

From: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Just for the record, Burt's not talking to you either, and it's not just because he's a dog.

--Your angry wife

To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

I knew you couldn't stay mad at me. Rub Burt's belly for me.

Love ya,
--Glenn


Par-TAY!

From: The Slatt Man

May 26th, 2008

Good to hear that Cecilia's finally forgiven you for the fact that you confided in me about your career plans before her. Now, has she forgiven me?

Well, I hope so, because I'm throwing you a rager of a going away party this Saturday. You'll be so hungover that you'll still be hurting on your first day of work at MCU next week. Then, they'll fire you and you'll have to tuck your tail between your legs and come back and work with us grunts in IA. That is my plan (evil laugh). Get your liver ready for some major drinking, you major crimebuster you.

--Slatteronsky

To: The Slatt Man

Oh, great - just when Cecilia forgives me for upending our life, now you're throwing me a drink-fest to give her more ammo. What a guy!
--G to the B

To: The Slatt Man

June 1st, 2008

What did you put in those drinks last night? Oh, yeah - alcohol. How am I gonna start my new gig tomorrow?

I hate you.
--B


Welcome

From: Jim Gordon

June 3rd, 2008

Detective Barhyte, I've been hearing great things about our newest crackerjack in MCU and I wanted to extend my warmest greetings. It's going to be an uphill battle, but we're finally assembling the right team to investigate this money laundering plague, bust it up and make Gotham that much safer.

Looking forward to working with you,

--Lt. Gordon

To: Jim Gordon

Thank you so much, sir. You don't know what an honor it is to be part of the MCU. I just wish I'd been here earlier so that I could play a bigger part in your upcoming sting operation. But, don't worry - I'm getting up to speed as fast as I can.

Great to be here, Lieutenant.
--Glenn Barhyte


FWD: Welcome

To: The Slatt Man

I just got this e-mail from the big cheese. Jealous?
--Glenn Barhyte, rock star

<
< Detective Barhyte,
< I've been hearing great things about our newest crackerjack in MCU and I wanted
< Looking forward to working with you,
< --Lt. Gordon

From: The Slatt Man

Me, jealous? Ha. Major Crimes is where dogs go to die, Glenn. You'll never leave there alive - Gordon holds onto the good ones. Anyway, why would I want to work in MCU. Maybe in an undercover op. Watch your back. And get that scum-sucking smile off your face!

-- Slatteronsky

[edit] Meeting Atoz

Can't wait to start

To: Jim Gordon

June 4th, 2008

Lt. Gordon,

I cannot wait to start work over at MCU. I'll be there first thing Monday morning. I know there'll be a pile of paperwork to get thru.

Here's to doing real police work,
Glenn.

From: Jim Gordon

Great. Look for a guy named Atoz when you come in. He'll help you with all the bureaucratic crap we have to get through.


Payment Delay

From: Human Resources

June 12th, 2008

Dear Officer Barhyte,

Due to missing transfer of payment information, we will not be able to issue payment drawn from the Major Crimes Unit account. The administrative clerk for your office should have filed it with Human Resources within one week of your transfer announcement. The earliest you will begin receiving paychecks under your new job category will be Friday, June 27.

If you have any questions, please contact your human resources coordinator.

Who is my human resources coordinator?
Sorry, but we do not have that information on file.

< Who is my human resources coordinator?

From: Atoz

June 12th, 2008

Oh, sheesh, I feel really bad! I don't know what could have happened. I have a distinct memory I filed that paperwork as soon as your transfer order hit my desk. I remember because your social security number was unique in its numerological repetitions. I'm going down to HR first thing in the morning to sort this out. I'd go now, but it's after 4 and they're already gone. Don't worry, Glenn. I'm on the case.

Atoz

RE: Poker still on?

To: The Slatt Man

June 13h, 2008

Still no word on the missing paperwork. Remember that year they were going to "professionalize the bureaucracy"? This really ticks me off. And this guy that screwed up everything - "Atoz" (what kind of name is Atoz??) - keeps on coming by my desk and asking me if anything's changed. It's been three minutes bro! Did we add another section to our non-discrimination policy covering morons?


HR Update

From: Atoz

June 13h, 2008

Just got back from HR. They said they never got the form. I asked to go through their records and they said it's against protocol. A friend of mine gets on shift up there this afternoon. I'm going to head back up there then. In the meantime, I've already completed a new payment form and will personally walk it over to everyone who needs to sign it before lunch. Push comes to shove, I'll call in a favor and get my friend to pull some strings.

FW: HR Update

To: The Slatt Man

Well I take it all back. Atoz may be a little weird but I think this goofball might be the most professional guy in the whole GPD.

From: The Slatt Man

June 13h, 2008

What did I tell you?

PS: You really sucked last night. Thanks for the fifty bucks, bud. Been eyeing that Dirty Harry boxed set since Christmas.


HR Update Two

From: Atoz

June 13h, 2008

Guess what? They filed it under Burhype. I found it in 20 seconds. You're all set.

Oh, and about that other thing boss - yeah, the arrest report filenames should just be the booking number with the GP prefix (not MCU). A few years back we were considering going with another system, but that was nixed and we're still doing it the old fashioned way.

Thanks! I owe you one. Sorry for the heated words - you know how it goes. I appreciate you doin all that stuff for me.

Glenn.

Wow thanks a lot, man. That really means something to me. Whoa. Don't worry - you won't have to get a restraining order against me, or anything (although, if you did, I'd make sure to file it in a professional, efficient manner). :D But I just wanted to say thanks a lot for saying thanks. Does that seem weird? Not to me. I do so much work around here - little things. You won't be interested in them so I won't mention 'em. The really important thing is. Well, maybe I will mention them, because nobody really knows what I do all day. People think I just push paper. And it's all good, you know, I kid around. Guys say I should start the File Olympics. We created lots of funny categories. The Manila Folding Speed Round. The Great Eraser Hunt. The Alphabet Unjumble. International Paper Cut Challenge. Stuff like that. It was a riot. Guys were on the floor. Even Gordon got into it. But nobody really knows what I do. Everything got so easy so quick. I focus like a camcorder. Incredible focus. I'm a detail kind of guy. So I do lots of stuff to make it interesting. Reverse alphabetization, record duplication (or triplication!), mail organization, re-engineering the entire file flow to reduce paper costs, setting up a file system in new offices, and helping you guys out whenever I can. But nobody really says thank you. Not that it really matters. Hell, I get bored being myself. What you guys do is so much more important than what I do. But it just really makes it all worthwhile when I can help you guys out and someone, anyone, notices. Not that I'd notice someone like me if I was real police, but maybe I would, and I'd say something like, hey, Atoz, thanks a lot, what are you doing for lunch. You know? Anyway, I'm always here for you guys. Whatever you need, wherever in the alphabet it is, how many numbers or letters or slashes, I can find it for you. I can find warts on a supermodel! Candy in the diabetes wing! Meaning in a Danielle Steel novel! Anything you need, no matter how crazy, I can find. That's just how I am. Ask anybody at MCU about me. I'm their secret weapon around here. Anyways, I'll talk to you later. I like to get coffee around 11AM at the side break room.

Atoz

I have a new friend!

To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte, Slatt Man

June 16th, 2008

Both of you need not worry about my being alone in this new job of mine. I have a great new friend. He is truly remarkable. I am the luckiest man in the world. I am now going to lock myself in the supply closet.


<<To: Glenn Barhyte> <<From: Atoz>


<Wow thanks a lot, man. That really means something to me. Whoa. Don't worry - you won't <have to get a restraining order against me, or anything (although, if you did, I'd make <sure to file it in a professional, efficient manner). :D But I just wanted to say thanks a lot for <saying thanks. Does that seem weird? Not to me. I do so much work around here - little things. <You won't be interested in them so I won't mention 'em. The really important thing is. Well, <maybe I will mention them, because nobody really knows what I do all day. People think I just <push paper. And it's all good, you know, I kid around. Guys say I should start the File Olympics. <We created lots of funny categories. The Manila Folding Speed Round. The Great Eraser Hunt. <The Alphabet Unjumble. International Paper Cut Challenge. Stuff like that. It was a riot. Guys <were on the floor. Even Gordon got into it. But nobody really knows what I do. Everything got so <easy so quick. I focus like a camcorder. Incredible focus. I'm a detail kind of guy. So I do lots of <stuff to make it interesting. Reverse alphabetization, record duplication (or triplication!), mail <organization, re-engineering the entire file flow to reduce paper costs, setting up a file system in <new offices, and helping you guys out whenever I can. But nobody really says thank you. Not <that it really matters. Hell, I get bored being myself. What you guys do is so much more <important than what I do. But it just really makes it all worthwhile when I can help you guys out <and someone, anyone, notices. Not that I'd notice someone like me if I was real police, but <maybe I would, and I'd say something like, hey, Atoz, thanks a lot, what are you doing for lunch. <You know? Anyway, I'm always here for you guys. Whatever you need, wherever in the <alphabet it is, how many numbers or letters or slashes, I can find it for you. I can find warts on a <supermodel! Candy in the diabetes wing! Meaning in a Danielle Steel novel! Anything you need, <no matter how crazy, I can find. That's just how I am. Ask anybody at MCU about me. I'm their <secret weapon around here. Anyways, I'll talk to you later. I like to get coffee around 11AM at <the side break room.

<Atoz

From: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Ballad of a Lonely File Clerk - is that a lost John Lennon tune? Congratulations, tiger, you've got yourself a fan. I'm sure he's just your type too!

Sorry about Breakfast. I guess that Shrimp cocktail at Joe's didn't really do me right. Still, it was worth it for those private booths where nobody could see what we were doing.... Hehe...

You'll forgive me for breakfast, won't you? You better...or ELSE!

Your lovely and long-suffering wife,

Sugarpants

PS. If "Mel of Aqueduct" or whatever invites us to another idiot medieval nite, your orders are to fabricate any excuse to avoid it. Any other choice spells d-i-v-o-r-c-e.

Forgiven

To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

Of course I forgive you. I'd forgive you ripping out one of my limbs after last night in the booth! Wow. How'd I get so lucky?

Gotcha on the Mel medieval thing. No problem. I don't like maces and gladiators anyway. Not that much. Maybe the gladiators. Just kidding sugarpants - you're the one for me!

Your faithful servant

G

From: Slatt Man

Coffee at 11am at the side break room huh? I don't know whether to alert internal affairs or join you myself. It does get a little lonely that time of day, no?

Watch out Barhyte. MCU is full of crazies. You never should have left IA. Now you're paying for your rash decision. Loser.

PS

Invite him to poker night. He seems like JUST the right guy. With that mysterious combination of idiocy and eagerness. We could always use another fish.

Another fish?

To: Slatt Man

That's what I like about you. You're always scheming to rip someone off, get a cheaper beer, or hit on a skankier girl. You really are a class act, Slatts.


Atoz for poker night? Hmmm. If it wasn't so crazy, it just might work. I kinda have the feeling that this one is all Velcro and glue. He did save my skin tho, I was sweating it. Besides, I thought you wanted to be the only jackass at the table?


What's up?

From: Atoz

June 16th, 2008

Am running out to Bob's. You want anything? They've got great chocolate covered pizza pretzels.

Atoz

Thnx man, a little busy here. Next time.


I'm right, right?

From: Atoz

June 17th, 2008

Hey, saw you get back in. You always have a great sense of justice so tell me I'm right cause Im really mad right now.

So I had to go to the commissary for lunch and Im shocked they're serving the only thing on their dessert selection that's any good at all... the ultra rarity that is the power of the ice cream bar.

You know how they're really militant on shutting down right at 2 right? I got stuck at office here and didn't get their till 1:55 but they would still have to let me in. But there's a line and I'm about to finally go in at like 1:59 when Lieutenant Dawling pulls rank and cuts ahead of me.

Guess you know how it goes from there.

Ever get a door closed on your face by a cafeteria worker? It aint good, Glenn. It aint good at all.

I'm really sick of this kind of treatment. If I was a motorcycle cop like I wanted to be, I wouldn't have to put up with it.

Going nuts

To: Cecelia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

June 17th, 2008

Atoz.... Definition: a one-way ticket to Sunny Oaks.

Cover me in salt and call me shelved.

< Ever get a door closed on your face by a cafeteria worker?


Internal Training Slots Open

From: Commissioner Loeb

June 18th, 2008

Additional resources have been allocated to all units, necessitating the need for additional officers.

All eligible GPD employees may sign up to enroll in the officer training program. Entrance exams will take place on Saturday, June 28th at GPD headquarters. See your department's office coordinator to sign up.

Commissioner Loeb

FW: Internal Training Slots Open

From: Atoz

I've been waiting over a year for this exam to come up again! It's a sign. I'm going to pass this time... though I still could use some help on the written part. Maybe if you have some time...
And I don't care what my wife says, I'm getting that bike I saw up for sale on the wall. I used to ride before I got married. You should have seen me... no one was faster!!!!!!!

RE: FW: Motorcycle Exams

To: Atoz

Good luck. I'm confident you'll do well. You have it in you. I can see it.

By the way, you should come to Slatts' poker night on Thursday.

Atoz + poker = ?

To: The Slatt Man

Well, you did it now. I invited Atoz like you said. Seems like an OK guy, but the man really knows how to get on your nerves after awhile.

[edit] About Pasquale's Bistro

Follow-up

From: Jim Gordon

June 18th, 2008

Re: money laundering probe, a buddy of mine in Western confirmed that bistro story -- there's some bad guys going in and out of that place, usually the back. Let's talk next actions -- surveillance? Stake out? It's your call here.

Jim


MCU4735119

From: Jim Gordon

June 26th

We’re still dealing with the setback. Do we have alternatives? Yes. Are they the best options? No. It was a big hit, those two dead at the playground. And why the painted smiles on their face? This case is getting odder and odder. I’m all ears regarding next steps, Glenn.

Jim

[edit] More Atoz shenanigans

So unbelievably sorry

From: Atoz

June 20th

Dear Glenn,

I don't know what to say. I feel like such a loser. I always end up doing stuff like that and I don't know why. I've always been this way, I guess.

I had no idea you just oiled that jacket. It wouldn't have mattered if I just brought something from Bob's, but I had to go and make flaming baked Alaska! I mean, who eats flaming baked Alaska, right?

Again, I'm really sorry. Can you forgive me? I'll get you a new jacket. I promise. You said it's irreplaceable but I believe anything is possible if you stick to it.

Atoz

Atoz

From: Cecelia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

June 20th

Heard some more about last night. Don't be too hard on the kid. He means well, though I know how much that jacket meant to you. Any idea if your dad got that in the service or here in town? Doubt that store would still exist. There was an insignia stitched under the left lapel, right?

Bet you're looking forward to Sunday. Oh boy… all the hard candy we can eat!

I hate hard candy.
Thank you both

To: Cecilia "Sugarpants" Barhyte

June 25th

I still can't get over how you two found that jacket! You must have gone to every used clothing place in town. I was wondering why Cecelia didn't go with me to pick up her mom on Sunday.

This really means a lot to me. Dad and all. Thanks.

Glenn

P.S. - I'm a little worried that you too are conspiring behind my back (even if it is to pull off very appreciated surprises like this jacket scheme). Should I be suspecting an affair? If so, hands off! That goes for you, too, Atoz.

--Still Glenn

RE: Thank you both

From: Atoz

June 25th

I know it's not your dad's jacket, but I hope you enjoy the "new" one. The sales lady said it's the same kind as your dad's – was made by a long gone Gotham company.

Still feeling bad about burning up the original, though. This is the least I could do, especially since you're giving me some pointers for the exam on Saturday.

Atoz


Still here?

To: Atoz

June 26th

What are you up to tonight?

You got mad skillz

To: Atoz

June 27th

You weren't kidding about knowing how to ride. But what's up with the passenger seat?

Had fun. Thanks for lending an ear and keeping a secret.


Did you see the memo????

From: Atoz

June 27th

I can't believe it! Did you see the memo from the recruiting office? They cancelled the exam. They say "no additional officers will be hired in the foreseeable future."

I can't believe this. It's almost like they're doing it to me directly. Ever feel that way? Like life is pointing its finger at you and going, "hey you... you're a loser and always will be you stupid loser."

I can see that finger pointing at me now. It's all I can do not to crumple up in the bathroom and cry. I can't be a file clerk forever. This was my last shot. The wife said it was ‘now or never', so I guess it's never. But what does that mean? Now what do I do?

To: Atoz

Yeah. Figured you'd seen it by now. happens all the time. One minute they have the funds, then they say they never existed in the first place.

I'm sure there'll be another exam in a year or so when the purse strings loosen up again. Sometimes being a GPD you have to ride out these waves. It happens in every city. I'm sure you'll be a great motorcycle cop. Just keep at your job and wait for the next go round.

In the meantime, there's a lot of ways you can help out the community that doesn't involve noise pollution at 4 in the morning.

It feels like someone just punched me in the gut. This was all that was keeping me going. I can't go back to file, file, file. I gotta get out of this place, do something, something big. I hate this place. You're the only one who talks to me around here.


Unbelievable

From: Atoz

July 6th

Hey man. Thanks for lunch. You bastard – I can't believe you beat me at gorging! That Indian buffet should have been all mine. How could you have downed that last plate of curry chicken? It's against the laws of physics or something.

And don't worry about me. I've snapped back. You were right – there's a lot I can do for our city without getting my boots and badge.

Don't worry about your case that fell thru. Sometimes things have to play the hard way, you know?

Your pal

Atoz


Understood

From: Atoz

Tuesday, July 8th Time: 5:30pm

Been thinking a lot about what you told me at lunch yesterday. You're right. Sometimes you have to take a stand. Looks like all that help you gave me for the exam won't go to waste after all.

[edit] Latest case

Case Cancelled!

To: The Slatt Man

July 2nd

Why don't you ever answer your cell phone?

They pulled my case! Shut it down. No explanation. Just when I was gonna lock this one down airtight, it's gone. JUST A FEW MORE DAYS I NEEDED! It's a joke. A bad one.

Maybe Dent didn't get all the rotten apples after all. Something is fishy about all of this. I want to talk to you about it offline.

[edit] Maroni's Imports

Maroni

From: Jim Gordon

July 3rd

Don't know if the technology exists for us to monitor internet traffic to our friend's import business, but I’ll look into it.

Jim

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